You Might be a Martial Artist if...

You might be a Martial Artist if...

  • You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church.
  • You answer your boss Ussss.
  • You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even.
  • You accept change from the cashier using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in.
  • When you're outside doing landscaping/gardening you "practice" with all the neat weapons.
  • People find it difficult to carry on a conversation with you since you keep shifting between stances and practicing kicks while talking to them.
  • When tripping over your shoelaces you bounce up into fighting stance with a Kiup.
  • You go to sleep each night cuddling at least one martial arts weapon.
  • Every time you handle a screwdriver or razor knife, etc. You just can't help changing grip from hammer to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc. And your shop assistant is standing cautiously far, far away from you.
  • You insist on showing your work colleagues your interesting set of bruises on your forearms and shins ever week.
  • You enjoy limping into work and explaining what injury you got this week.
  • You shut the refrigerator door with a side thrust kick.
  • You open doors with front kicks.
  • Work chairs with high back are really good for practicing turning kicks.
  • The boss wants to know why the department has so many broken chairs.
  • Switching a light on or off requires a knife hand strike.
  • While using a knife hand strike to switch the lights on, you break the light switch and short out a fuse; leaving the house in the dark.
  • You shop for clothes based on whether you can kick in them.
  • You actually look forward to being told to work out on the bag.
  • The books in your toilet are Taekwondo patterns, and easy Korean for beginners.
  • The Twelve Days of Christmas becomes: one boxing bag, two boxing gloves, three shin pads (includes an extra pad for the one you'll inevitably lose), four gi's, five rolls of adhesive tape....twelve cases of Tiger Balm.
  • You look for a place to live based on the amount of practice space it provides.
  • In a boring meeting you start practicing Bo/Jo techniques with a pencil.
  • As your classmate withers in pain on the floor, you fantasize about the quickest way to put him out of his misery.
  • You tell beginners that care is need not to be too aggressive, after you flatten some poor sod that tries to hit you.
  • While sparring with beginners you keep stopping to tell them that they are not hitting you hard enough.
  • When all your injuries heal, you go through withdrawals.
  • You view new students as fresh meat.
  • You look forward to working another technique line.
  • You eagerly volunteer to be the instructor’s demonstration assistant.
  • You believe that one and half hours is far too short for a training session.
  • You say to the assistant in the men's store, "Nice pants, but I don't think I can kick in them."
  • You have begun to master the reflex to commit a very messy murder when, directly after someone finds out you practice martial arts, they immediately ask: "Are you a Black Belt?"
  • You have reached the phase of seeing everybody walking around with blinking little red cross-hairs on all their vital spots
  • The local orthopaedic surgeons ask you take it easy because you are increasing their waiting lists.
  • Your email tag line is: Pain is Joy.
You might NOT be a martial artist if...

  • You get jealous of your wife who keeps talking fondly about “Bo and Jo”.